


Letters

by Ailette



Category: Sexy Zone
Genre: B.I.Shadow - Freeform, Imported, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2018-06-05 06:08:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6692668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailette/pseuds/Ailette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kento is a hopeless romantic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters

  
The first time, he only does it because they don’t know each other well enough for him to come up and say the words to Fuma’s face.  
  
So instead, he digs through his bag for the little notebook in the hallway, cowering down as he quickly scribbles down what he thinks Fuma desperately needs to hear after the dressing down he got in front of the whole room of Juniors from their choreographer.  
  
“ _I like watching you dance. You might make mistakes or get ouf of sync sometimes, but you really look like you’re having fun and putting your all into it. It makes me want to dance with you.”_  
  
He considers the text briefly, wondering if he should sign it or use maybe just his initials so he could come clean and tell Fuma later, but in the end he draws a small smiley underneath it instead and rips the paper out carefully, folding it twice before he steps back into their huge shared dressing room.  
  
Fuma isn’t back yet (Kento tries not to think about where he ran off to after being yelled at or that he’s all alone right now) and no one pays him any mind when he casually saunters over to drop the note into Fuma’s backpack.  
  
His heart is beating wildly as he steps away to his own, almost jumping out of his chest when only seconds later, the door flies open to reveal Fuma, eyes red but expression grim and defying anyone to ask him about it.  
  
Thanks to the fact that almost everyone is glancing at Fuma after his dramatic exit earlier, it doesn’t seem strange when Kento keeps staring at him. It seems to take ages of Fuma digging through his bag and throwing things out before he straightens up with that piece of paper in his hands. The younger boy frowns, turning the paper over a couple of times before finally shrugging slightly and unfolding it.  
  
Kento swallows through a dry mouth, fingers trembling as he watches Fuma’s eyes fly over the few lines of text.  
  
For a moment after they come to rest, there’s no reaction at all. He just folds the paper again and puts it back into his bag. Which probably means something, but Kento can only sigh in relief when he finally catches sight of the tiny smile on Fuma’s features as he bends down to untie his shoes.  
  


***

The second time he writes Fuma a letter, they technically know each other well enough for him to say the words out loud, but it’s easier to put them down on paper instead.  
  
“ _Good luck with your stage play!”_  
  
It’s not much and really, he could say that much. It’s the part he hasn’t written yet that’s hard. Because he knows that if he said this, he would probably cry and that’s not something he wants Fuma to see at all.  
  
Finally, he puts the pen to paper again and adds,  
  
“ _I’ll miss you._ ”  
  
The smiley this time is sad and he doesn’t stay around to watch Fuma’s reaction to it.  
  


***

  
He does stay around to watch Fuma grin at the little “ _Welcome back_ ” after summer, but doesn’t count it as a letter because it’s too short.  
  


***

  
There’s one letter he never writes, that tells Fuma how excited he is that they’re in the same group now, that they get to spend more time together – but with only three members, it’s safe to say that Fuma would know it’s him.  
  
So instead, for once, he says as much to Fuma’s face (if only the first part).

  
***

  
The next time he writes a letter to Fuma, Fuma does the same and they have an audience as the spotlights shine on them. He means everything he reads off his letter, but at the same time feels like it’s strangely empty and meaningless with so many people there to also hear the words.  
  


***

  
Before he knows it, months have passed without him leaving any notes to Fuma. They can talk now and have much opportunity to do so, so there really isn’t much reason to.  
  
Until one day, Fuma tilts his head just slightly while they’re talking and he suddenly starts laughing at something Kento says (he can’t for the life of him remember what it was, afterwards), eyes almost vanishing as he doubles over and Kento’s heart sort of just… stops, for a moment.  
  
It takes him several days to finally sit down and take the pen and paper. His hands are trembling when he writes the words and he’s never been this quick in leaving the dressing room after practice before.  
  
“ _I think you have a beautiful smile. I don’t know why I never noticed before, but now it’s all I can see whenever I close my eyes.”_  
  


***

  
His messages more or less all turn out like that for a while. He comments on small things that used to be normal and now make his heart beat faster, like the way Fuma tilts his head when he’s listening intently or sticks out his tongue just slightly when he messes up and knows it. Other times he tells Fuma how amazing it is that he can talk to people so easily, that his singing is getting really nice lately.  
  
And one time, after Fuma got his hair cut and no one had anything nice to say about it, Kento locked himself in the bathroom and wrote a two page letter on how he thinks Fuma looks even better like this, because you could see his face better and his ears were peeking out just slightly.  
  
When he catches Fuma frowning at the letter, he wonders if he went overboard this time, but later notices the way Fuma confidently pushes strands of hair back behind his ears and looking rather satisfied with himself and he knows he said just enough.  
  


***

  
Over time, there are some serious letters between what he has come to call “his little love letters” in his head. One is more for himself than anything else, where he wonders if Fuma thinks it’s weird for him to be given all these compliments by a stranger, but doesn’t get a chance to ever find out Fuma’s feelings on the matter because even if the younger boy wanted to, there was no way for him to reply.  
  
There is one letter that is barely legible, because it has tear stains all over it and he seriously considers tossing it away before eventually just dropping it into Fuma’s school bag anyway. They never talk about Misaki leaving, but he feels like the letter helped them both – even though he only talked about how sorry he was for Fuma’s loss, that there would surely be another chance for him, maybe another group, that Misaki hadn’t left because of him.  
  
He tries not to think about those letters.  
  


***

  
“ _Congratulations on your debut! Show them you’re the main act and not in the shadow!”_  
  
That’s a message he wants to take back when he sees Fuma glare at it a few weeks after first receiving it. He doesn’t blame him when he crumbles the letter up, because he is just as disappointed to realize that their “debut” wasn’t really that, despite everything they’d been told and everything the press had printed on them.  
He’s still a little happy when Fuma stuffs the crumbled up paper back into his pocket instead of throwing it away, though (and he doesn’t fail to notice that he’s been carrying it around with him for weeks).  
  


***

  
Over time, his messages turn vaguer. He’s no longer a kid, he thinks, and instead of talking about the obvious (like how Fuma’s muscles are shaping up very nicely lately), he writes about how it makes him feel when Fuma talks to him.  
  
“ _The way you focus your entire attention on me for those few precious moments is always overwhelming, always takes my breath away. I wish I could always be your only focus, the only person your eyes ever come to rest on like that.”_  
  


***

  
There’s only one time he says the exact same thing he’s said before.  
  
“ _Congratulations on your debut!_ ”  
  
And he doesn’t have much time, because he barely gets to sleep and eat in between all the recordings and lessons and photo shoots and interviews for their debut in November; much less writing a long and meaningful letter.  
  
“ _This time, no one can take it away from you._ ”  
  


***

  
It’s more difficult now, to drop a letter into Fuma’s bag, because they’re almost always five people these days. If he continued, it’d be a safe bet that Fuma wouldn’t suspect Sou or Shori had written letters that he’d been receiving for four years now.  
  
Four years.  
  
Kento wonders if he should just stop writing. Should just give up.  
  


***

  
He manages to not write anything for almost half a year.  
  
But no, that’s a lie. He does write. Only not directly to Fuma. Instead, he tries writing poems and after a while, really comes to like it.  
  
When after those long six months, he finally decides to drop one into Fuma’s bag at Shonen Club rehearsal, it’s a test.  
  
When he sees the grin lighten up Fuma’s entire face, he knows he’ll be doing it again, soon.  
  


***

  
It’s almost a little irritating that Fuma still has no clue about who’s been writing to him all this time. Kento starts dropping hints about his poems in interviews, at first when he’s being interviewed alone, but after a while even if it’s the five of them.  
  
He glances sideways for a reaction, but all he gets is Marius’ big and amazed eyes and Shori exclaiming that he’s been writing song lyrics lately.  
  
Sou and Fuma are completely engrossed in an old magazine between them, snickering and not paying attention to Kento at all.  
  
Somehow, it’s pretty much the same for all the other times he mentions it, until one day, even Marius rolls his eyes at him and he realizes that he must be sounding pretty damn full of himself.  
  


***

  
He continues dropping poems and the occasional message (“ _It makes me a little jealous when I see you hugging other people. Can I be selfish and tell you to hug only me?_ ”) into Fuma’s bags, wondering if one of these days, Fuma will walk in on him doing just that.  
  
But there’s no such luck.  
  


***

  
“ _Don’t you ever want to know who I am?_ ”  
  
Kento really wants the answer to that, but as he’s chewing on his pen and slowly getting his lips stained blue without noticing (his mother is going to laugh at him the next morning and he luckily gets it off before work starts), he wonders how he would get that without revealing himself.  
  
In the end, he just continues writing; thinking that maybe, this really will be his last letter.  
  
“ _But I guess you don’t care much. You must be used to not knowing after all these years. I’m sorry, I never thought about that before. Should I apologize for selfishly telling you my feelings all this time? But you’re a gentle person, you probably don’t blame me for it._  
  
 _Still, I think this will be my last letter to you._  
  
 _It’s not really good-bye, is it? But it feels like it._ ”  
  
He feels a little shaky when he draws that familiar smiley again and stares at the letter for a second and then nodding as he folds it up.  
  


***

  
As he watches Fuma unfold his last letter from the corner of his eyes, it’s strangely satisfying to see the frown on Fuma’s face. Because he turns back to the book in his hands at that moment, he doesn’t see it when Fuma folds the letter back up and fishes out a pen to scrawl something on it.  
  
He does notice when Fuma leaves the room, though, letter in hand.  
  
His heart clenches a little at the sight, wondering if he’s heading to someone else, someone he thinks is responsible for the letters. If so, it’s Kento’s own fault for never speaking up, for being too afraid to ever say these things aloud.  
  
He buries his face in his knees, book forgotten next to him.  
  


***

  
Later, after he sinks into bed more exhausted than the day really calls for and opens his book again to read a few pages before going to sleep, a folded sheet of paper falls out onto his chest.  
  
He recognizes it instantly, but the text on it isn’t his own writing.  
  
“ _Do you really think I still don’t recognize your terrible handwriting? Call me when you read this, because unlike you, I live in the 21 st century and have a cell phone where the conversation goes both ways._”  
  
There’s a tiny little smiley drawn beneath the words.

**Author's Note:**

> (Originally posted at http://ailette.livejournal.com/79803.html)


End file.
